5. prioritise your inner child

october notes: on trusting yourself and building a better internet

I overthink with some decisions especially when other people are involved, because deep down I wanted their validation. It’s a quiet assurance and approval that I was doing the “right thing”. But I’ve learned that at times even not everyone can always be there for me, even with the best support system.

So when I started learning to validate my own experiences, things start to shift. More decisions come naturally, actions felt more confident, and love and acceptance to myself flowed more easily. I think it comes with knowing myself better, and feeling good in my body and mind.

But the real trick is pausing a bit and reminding myself that I’m doing it for me, namely for my inner child. What would she think of this? Would she like this? Would she hate it if I did something else instead? These days, I’m doing it for her. Whatever I feel that makes her feel safe and loved, and giving her what she didn’t get the chance to have before in the past.

So these days I’m learning to truly prioritise myself and my future over external validation or relationships, and to find joy in missing out. I don’t want to let my inner self down again. But even if I do, I know I have the means to self-regulate, heal, and move forward.

🎐 blog post: thoughts on the internet now

The internet has become a dark forest, filled with ads, bots, clickbait influencers, and theses days, AI slop. But I still have hope that we can rebuild a funner internet or bring back the internet that we used to know.

An excerpt from my blog post:

But we can also try to make the internet a beautiful place again.

Despite the current state of the internet, I still love the internet. There are so many cool new things and people to discover and learn from, and apply to your own life too. I grew up with the internet; it shaped my adolescence and is a big part of who I am today. It’s not just nostalgia and reminiscing the good old times, but appreciating how the internet then priorities humans.

I like to believe that there are still spaces that exists in the form of the “cosy web“ or private spaces on the internet – a refuge hidden away from the dark forest where predators lurk. Something that we can re-introduce and revive, to allow more of us to join.

I plan to repost it on Substack too, but you can read it here for now.

🎐 snippets

New personal records in fitness

People have been asking what’s my sudden motivation to increase my workout intensity. I’ve been doing workouts almost daily and posting about them, after all. The truth is, it’s mostly to prove to myself that I can do hard things. Not just physically, but mentally too. They test both my strength and mental resilience. Also, it’s a final push (October theory) before the year end to hit some milestones.

And I did!

I started running (still hate it, but DO THE HARD THING) to complement my strength training and this month I finally hit 6k. I also hit my goal of squatting my own body weight! I wonder what new fitness PRs can I achieve by the end of this year.

I thought I’d like to try a half marathon by end of this year, but that’ll have to wait until the next year maybe. Even though it’s a great milestone to achieve, I do need to prioritise my interests. I don’t actually want to run a half marathon. What I do want is long-distance walking for a week. Now that’s something I’m more excited about.

Nature retreat vlog

I soaked in nature with a group of girl friends and celebrated one of their birthdays too! Part ASMR, part vlog. A slow-burn vlog if you need something playing in the background for calming effects.

Watch the vlog here.

🎐 favourites

• Alive Internet Theory: There’s been so much doom talk about the internet lately from the oversaturation of clickbait content to AI slop. But this piece makes me have hope again.

  • As I start my essay series about the internet, it also makes me want to dedicate more of my time to make the internet fun again. More human, and more alive.

• Taking an Internet Walk: The internet isn’t just the few social media apps we scroll every day. It’s more than that, if you know where to look.

• To Be Hero X: The story and concept? Fresh. But I think I like this Chinese anime more because of the main character, who barely had any screen time until the last few episodes. This Chinese anime surprised me in the best possible way.

  • Would 10/10 recommend it to anyone looking for a fun non-linear story with interesting characters too.

  • It’s available on YouTube for free — here’s the full playlist.

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